Shame after Sexual Abuse: Putting it back where it belongs **trigger**

Shame after Sexual Abuse: Putting it back where it belongs **trigger**

By JS2

Shame after Sexual Abuse: Putting it back where it belongs **trigger**

Published November 13, 2014 | By kate.swift
The poison you injected me with age eight
When you abused me and sealed my fate
It courses through my veins to this very day
I don’t think it will ever fully go away
It is like a dirty stain that I can never clean
A dirty, cheap, squalid feeling mostly unseen
Sometimes it hits me like a punch in the face
& I feel like the lowest object in the place
Why did you ever lay your hand on me
Why couldn’t my little girl be free
I would give anything to be clean again
To feel normal-free-sane.
Of course being sexually abused as a child left me with many deeply unpleasant memories, triggers and feelings… but one of the most damaging and vile for me was the shame. It wasn’t just a ‘thought’ thing … it was a ‘feeling’ thing … it was like poison coursing through my veins … it was like feeling unclean and feeling like I could never shake it off. Shame I think is one of the most damaging aspects of sexual abuse and it is also one of the biggest lies that survivors believe. We can literally live and breath a shame that actually does not belong to us, never did belong to us, never was anything to do with us… shame is all about the abuse & the abuser… it is not to do with the abused. But because the abuse is so personal, so invasive, so secretive, so manipulative we end up feeling the shame… we end up with the poison coursing through our veins & yet it does not belong to us. I am sure there are much more professional/psychological explanations than the one I have just given. However as a survivor and as someone who lived with shame for so long, I’m just saying it how I see it from my perspective.
This blog follows on from a brief (but valuable) conversation I had on Twitter about this Brene Brown quote ‘Shame is the most powerful, master emotion. It’s the fear that we’re not good enough’. To which I replied that many survivors of sexual abuse are left with shame that doesn’t belong to them. It got me thinking… and I decided to write some more about it here because it is something which resonates with me so much. I also want to make the point that I hope you will not get the impression that I am saying it is in any way easy to rid yourself of this feeling… that isn’t what I want to convey (because its not easy!). Rather I want to say that I struggled with it so very much but through good professional help (therapy) and doing lots of reading/ processing/talking etc that it is something I no longer carry. The key thing is that I now know not just in my head… but in my heart (that really matters) that this Visit Site

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