I have just listened in full to that radio interview you did exposing satanic abuse, it actually made me cry at first, not because I was upset but because I was so glad and happy to hear someone acknowledging that this actually goes on. I have spent the last few years trying to tell people but people are not really interested because it hasn’t happened to them so they can’t understand it nor want to hear the horrific details either as they can’t cope with hearing it. You are the first person I’ve heard even talk about this subject that has affected my life, and are the only other person I know fighting this or affected by it, I no longer feel alone in the fight. First can I say you are spot on about totally everything, I could identify myself with many things you were discussing right down the the twisted swing thing, which I had done to me too. Spin and twist me round so much on the swing I’d be dizzy and couldn’t walk when they let me get off it and Id be groped with hands everywhere including my crotch afterwards in full public view in a park, I have even got a photo of me on that swing before they did it. They seemed to enjoy taking photos of me that signified abuse occasions.
Also with the toys come alive at night thing too, I never had dolls really just stuffed toys so they would be spread around my bed and I’d be told they would come alive at night, and also when really young had rupert bear wallpaper or pictures of rupert bear on the wall, the character raggety used to scare me and that was right near my face at night on the wall. They would tell me raggety would come alive at night and start dancing and get me if I was naughty and wouldn’t do as it told me, yes I remember being touched up in my bed and remember staring at raggety on the wall as if that character was the one doing it as I wouldn’t look at who it actually was. Also later in childhood I had an elephant and rabbit sort of pyjama case and aged 7 they told me the elephant would wink at me at night and he was protecting me and I was made to love this elephant as if it was a real person and wouldn’t part with it ect even in my teens I had it, also have photos of me with that too. I recall one night I was told I must not get up out of me bed no matter what or call downstairs to anyone no matter what I heard I must stay in my bed. I was told the elephant would look after me and keep me safe so if I woke up scared I just had to look at that elephant and watch out for it winking at me. The reality of it was someone coming up to my bedroom and talking to me and then winking but they would deflect the truth onto toys to mess with my mind. That night yes I was awoken by the most horrific screams of someone pleading and begging, I looked to my elephant and knew I must not get out of bed but could not sleep because the screaming was so loud so closed my eyes and put my fingers in my ears and hummed to block out the noise for what seemed like an hour until my mother shook me and scared me and asked if I was ok, she explained they were doing something but not to be scared and tried to reassure me.
The significance of the monkeys with satanic child abuse freaked me out a bit too as like I said my mother had an adult and baby monkey and I have got a photo she took of my son fully dressed but with his legs wide open with the adult and baby monkeys on a chair, never really understood why she had those monkeys and thought it was just odd and weird, now I know!. I have a photo of myself traumatised and scared in the 70’s after she used trauma based mind control on me to wipe my memories of certain events and replace them with (lies) new ones. She made me sit in my child’s deckchair for 4/5hrs and not leave it even to go to the toilet or get a drink. She started by digging cocktail sticks into a wound on my knee and causing as much pain as physically possible but through a would already there so there was no real evidence of what she did. She then damaged my fingernail so much with a hammer or something,she eventually took it off with some sort of metal garden cutters/pincers, threatening to take off one of my fingers in the process but I promised to repeat her lies and not talk about the truth so I kept my finger (in my opinion back then). I now realise this was some sort of mind control while she tortured me to scare me into changing my memories. The reason for her wanting to change my memories of an event were so I didn’t tell people the truth and spill the beans on her as she would end up in prison and the courts would take me away and I’d never see her again. I used to be constantly threatened with the fact I’d be taken away to a farm and nobody would ever see me again if I didn’t behave and be a good girl.
Id be rewarded with silver paper cut outs of 5 pointed stars on my floor if id been compliant with abuse and been a good girl, silver stars meant id been good but gold stars meant I’d been excellent so of course I gritted my teeth to try and get the gold stars and suffer more abuse. She also taught me to draw pentagrams and these would be drawn in my Enid Blighton books at the front if that was the story I’d been read that night before abuse happened as I was always read a story before bedtime. So I didn’t try and escape from my bed they used to tie my right wrist to the bed frame at my right hand side so I couldn’t wriggle away as they must have got sick of me kicking ect.. That went on for a while and at times id be confined to my bedroom and not even allowed out and she put newspaper on the floor for me to wee on after I’d been called a bitch for kicking or scratching or so on to fight off abuse, you act like a bitch so ill treat you like one she said, a bitch being a female dog so I did wee on newspaper like a dog being trained as I was not allowed to go to the toilet.
Mentally I’m totally fine and just really stronger for facing and accepting my past, its made me a different person and I can talk about everything without anything bothering me any more, apart from feeling anger that nobody would ever listen to me. Nothing upsets me, and the bastards will not win by keeping my silence. Yes my mother also turned me into a promiscuous girl at a very young age too, aged 10 I had a cb radio and she encouraged me to get as many young boys round as I could once, 15 young boys turned up once it was crazy, we called it an eyeball, my mother was out at the time then she came back and told me to leave the room and I left her with 15 young boys for what seemed like ages, god knows what was going on in there or what she said. She also tried to rape my 15yr old boyfriend once when he came round and I was out. She invited him in and she was with her younger friend and they tried pulling his trousers down wanting to look at his penis but he did a runner and managed to escape and told me about it later but I didn’t see it as serious back then, just oh its my mother being silly and having a laugh as usual when in fact no she would have raped him at 15 if he had not have got out of there fast.
In my early teens she got me on the pill aged 13 and told me to go and have as much sex as I wanted!! and didn’t object to me bringing boys into my room and even sneaking them in at like 11pm while she was in the living room. I was also encouraged to have group sex saying if I fancied two boys then why not sleep with both of them at the same time. She also invited these two boys in and they told me she offered them a (sausage sandwich) in her words. I was used to her having her parties where Id have to stop men from coming into my room at night by putting objects in front of the door and I’d have to step over several naked men in the morning while I was getting my breakfast before school too trying not to be grossed out looking at their disgusting floppy nakedness. As a young girl I did not want to see that at all and especially not first thing in the morning. The disturbing thing about it all as I never saw anything as bad or wrong because I did not know any different, it was just the way I was brought up. American Utah Mormons came around once and she invited them in and put porn on and found it hilarious.
I think I got too old for her to mess with by the age of about 11 so she started to try and sexualise me by showing me porn films on her cine camera then asking me if I was getting tingly feelings in my crotch, basically asking me if I was getting turned on, still never really saw it as bad as I’d seen porn mags round the house since being about 4 so one naked man or woman was the same as the next. She once made me aged about 11 dress up in fancy dress costume from a joke shop consisting of bits of fluff on my nipples and a little g string or fluffy pussy warmer as it was called and surprise this man called Graham and jump out on him dressed like that (as a joke) she said he liked children and he would be really embarrassed and it would be funny so I did it, because id been conditioned that sort of thing was funny when in fact its not at all and I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing that to my children. I was certainly groomed from birth and conditioned to be a certain way and to behave in a certain way and of course boys took advantage of that when I was a teen. I can look back now and see so much and understand alot and see the true horror of my childhood. Sick things are not funny they are just sick!!
I just want to tell you how grateful I am for you putting that information out there about satanic abuse, and tell you a bit more, thank you so much for getting the truth out! I hope this inspires other victims to tell their story and not be ashamed of their pasts, it is not their fault and it was not their choice to be in satanic paedophile ring. It Is their choice to expose it though.
This one is a English radio broadcast we made about
satanic child abuse and their networks,read the survivors
remarks in England and Holland.