Monday “Paddington, darling,” says my agent. “I haven’t seen it. Have you seen it?” Of course I haven’t seen it. They wouldn’t have me at the premiere. Not since I had that fight with Nicole Kidman. I thought she liked small hairy guys. Look at Tom Cruise. Jeez. “Right,” says my agent. “Okay.
There’s an old joke that every social group has somebody in it who always shirks their share of a restaurant bill, and if you can’t identify who it is in yours then it’s you. The same is probably true of people who are horrid to waiters. You know that person who is brusque and angry and needlessly
All men would be cowards,” said the 18th-century Earl of Rochester, “if they durst.” A good point, well made. This is the sentiment at the heart of Chris Walsh’s readable, if not wholly necessary, book on cowardice. Or, to put it another way, if it’s so easy to be a coward, why are so many people
Many years ago, a short, bald American pick-up artist told me that if I ever wanted to kiss a woman I’d just met in a nightclub, what I should do first was bite her. “Yup,” I remember thinking, quite seriously, “I can totally see how that would work.” I’m not saying you should try it. Really, I am
If you were making a jaunty TV retrospective in the year 2054, which bits of present-day telly do you reckon you’d pick out for audiences and pundits to roll their eyes at? The ceaseless bollock-eating on I’m a Celebrity . . . could be a contender, you might think, or our nightly parade of serial
Is realism really that real? Don’t look at me like that. It’s a sensible question. This week, you see, we had the return of two acclaimed police dramas. One of them, Babylon, is almost as funny as The Thick Of It. The other, The Fall, is almost as funny as getting to hospital and being told that
Imagine if other misdeeds worked like banking misdeeds. You’d come home and find your house had been burgled. Clothes and possessions would be strewn around, your valuables would be missing and your back door would be hanging from its hinges. “Yup,” the policeman would say, when he turned up
Russell Brand has been rudely awakened by the dustmen. Only ten days ago, he was Britain’s foremost messianic political seer, and seemingly unstoppable. Criticisms, bad reviews, outright ridicule and even Evan Davis wielding graphs on Newsnight didn’t so much bounce off him as soak in, only making
Boardwalk Empire and Peaky Blinders are two broadly similar shows that are both broadly brilliant, but each has suffered from the opposite problem. Both are gangster dramas set in the 1920s. Both have made much out of nihilistic characters with minds cracked in the trenches, and both seem to
So it’s the day before the car boot sale and guided public tour that the Fulford family of Great Fulford have decided, inexplicably, are going to restore their family fortunes, and Francis (the patriarch) and Arthur (his son and heir) are having an argument. “It needs to be tidy,” says Arthur.