Re:Last blog. Timelapse Victim to Survivor and Barbara Hewson.

After my blog last week, I have been
amazed, surprised, encouraged and shocked by the number of comments,
messages, shares and re tweets. WOW! comes to mind. Thankyou to everyone
who contributed.

Firstly, I am happy to say that I had
never even heard of this woman, Ms Hewson ,before being sent the video
that began this ‘conversation’. It has been a revelation to me. So many
people, some CSA victims some people who are rightly appalled by her
remarks. The worst thing, to me, in the video was when she laughed. The
interviewer looked as shocked as I felt and asked her if she found
sexual abuse funny. Again she laughed.

A great deal has been bandied
about, telling of  things she has apparently said, the nasty language
she uses and her ignorant, callous and downright cruel comments  about
people who are coming forward with their stories. It has even been
hinted that she must have a hidden agenda. I won’t comment on my own
thoughts re this. Yet!

Few people say they have been sexually
abused if they haven’t. The results of coming forward, of telling, can
be horrible, can put the victim back in the place they may have fought
years to escape from. A place of fear and terror. The last thing we need
is for someone who seems to have no understanding of what being a
victim of this horrendous crime means to a person, spouting nasty
unhelpful and belittling opinions, based, I think on exactly that.

Well Ms Hewson, I will tell you a little
of how life feels and how it affects you having suffered sexual abuse
as a child. Not all but just a glimpse. Not about the fear, the wishing
you were dead, the helplessness and feelings of guilt and shame that are
heaped upon us as children; but how life is for us when we become
adults. How we cope, or rather how we survive holding on to the nasties
of our abused childhoods.

Sexual abuse is traumatic. Whether the
incident is a single one or if the abuse is continuous over a long
period of time. Life is different for the abused child. They feel
isolated, scared, confused and sometimes have physical pain to endure;
that is a result from the sexual ‘play’ with them, from an adult abuser.
As they grow up, life does not always improve. You,Ms Hewson, think
that if the abuse happened a long time ago, it ‘doesn’t really matter’!
We aren’t able to ‘come forward’ as children, that is the point! Coming
forward with your story, as a defenceless confused child is mostly
impossible. Some do  tell an adult, as I did and nothing changes.

 Child victims are bullied into
believing that they won’t be believed. That life will get worse for them
if they tell. That somehow people will think it their fault. All the
things the abuser tells them. Children depend on learning from adults,
they don’t understand at the time, that the adult is making this up.
Telling them lies. An Abuser often says that if the child told, he would
say that the victim ‘wanted it’ to happen That it was their own fault.
As children, we don’t know that any adult will understand that the
abuser is the only person at fault. That none of the responsibility is
the child’s. We believe what we are told, we know no different and keep

As the abused grow, the memories haunt
them, they don’t go away. Sometimes they become bigger, too much to
bear. It is at this point that some of the innocent people, damaged by
sexual abuse, can take no more and commit suicide. Their lives taken
from them by the abuse.To me, that is murder and the abuser is the
murderer. In order to survive, others use alcohol, drugs, and sometimes,
as with me, prescribed medication to take away the pain and dull the
memory. This doesn’t make the memory disappear but dulls it enough  to
allow the victim to survive. Some go into prostitution. Unable to form
relationships, they go to what was their ‘norm’. Sexual activity.All, I
believe, suffer some degree of PTSD from the trauma.

I was abused for as far back as I can
remember, so possibly from my babyhood. It wasn’t a stranger but a close
family ‘friend’. He groomed me and was able to do anything he wanted as
I became too scared to fight. I told. Yes I told the woman they called
my mother. She didn’t want to believe me, she turned me away calling me a
wicked liar. I found later that my abuser was her lover.I never told
again until I wrote my autobiography, one of the first, in 2009. I was
given pills that I thought were for headaches, aged 15. Life became
easier, I could cope and the memories didn’t seem to hurt as much. I was
dependent on this medication for the next 25 years.

Every time a victim is in the news and
is not believed, doesn’t get justice, is humiliated in any way; we feel
their pain. Every time we read about CSA we feel it, deep in our souls.
Sometimes this triggers our memories, our nightmares our PTSD.
Sometimes, even now, I am shuffed back into the nightmares of my
childhood, by people like you writing or talking in such a throw away
manner. It reminds me of how I wasn’t believed. .As if CSA is not an
issue. In your line of work I find that very hard to accept. Does this
mean you will treat abusers lightly? I really hope the past week has
affected you. I hope you have read what we, the survivors and the
victims have said. If it hasn’t affected, you I feel sad for you, being
the person you are, must be hard.

So Ms Hewson. Don’t laugh at me. Don’t
be patronizing when talking of ‘people like me’. If you have nothing
constructive to say. If you can’t acknowledge victims of abuse. If you
can’t understand our pain and understand that no matter how long ago we
were abused. We were abused. We were victims of theft; of the most
precious thing we had, our childhoods. terrorised,  sometimes beaten,
humiliated, hurt beyond words and those of us who have stood up , will
be heard. If not by you, by each other.

Thank you for reading my blog.

from Blogger

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