Beyond Survivor – Rising from the ashes of childhood sexual abuse

Friday, 23 March 2012

Beyond Survivor – Rising from the ashes of childhood sexual abuse


Why “Beyond Survivor” ?

I have survived much in the last four decades. From abuse in all forms,
ill health, living on the streets, to business bankruptcy and personal
financial ruin. I have found my way through and out of all these. In the
process I found my voice!

Due to the way society views abuse very few men feel able to speak about
what happened to them and many live a life in the shadows of the abuse
they endured. I hope to be able to make these men see that they can
speak out and seek help. There is life after abuse. Being a survivor is
one heck of an achievment. Getting beyond surviving to the point of
thriving is within the grasp of every survivor, male or female. We
should all get to “Beyond Survivor”.

After much encouragement I decided to publish my first book. The book is
a mix of poetry, prose and advice, some of which has been previously
published on this website. Much is new work not released before.
Without the support and encouragement of my online friends I would not
be doing any of this. I dedicate this first book to you all. Thank you!
This is the first book in what will become the “Beyond Survivor” series.
I am in the middle of the next two books. One will be a self help guide
for male survivors of sexual abuse and the other will be a novel based
on my own life and experiences.
About Me
I am a male survivor of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). I love words,
written, spoken, and unspoken. For so many years my voice was not heard,
I expressed myself through my writing.
As soon as I was able to read and write, I immersed myself in books. I
was able to escape through the writings of others and eventually through
my own attempts. Writing enabled me to express the pain, and the shame,
of what I experienced. It later helped me to cleanse myself, to heal
through the medium of writing.

I seem to have lived an early life surrounded by abuse of some sort. At a
very early age, I was sexually abused by my grandfather. This went on
for about twelve years. Others were invited to use me as they wished.
There was also mental, emotional, and physical abuse from other family
members. My body was almost broken, my mind fractured, but no one seemed
to notice. I grew up thinking it was my fault, I deserved it.

Male survivors live within a society where a stigma surrounds the abuse
of boys. It took me a long time to find my voice, to be able to share
the horrors that tormented me for over three decades. I hope my words
help you to understand.

Available to order now through

AuthorHouse U.K and AuthorHouse U.S.A

Amazon UK and Amazon U.S.A

Interview by Dr Nicola Davies Health Psychology Consultancy

Facebook Page “Beyond Survivor”

35 comments:

celesteka
said…

I just purchased your book πŸ™‚

You are so courageous and tenacious
to take the time and heart to write your own story about your tragic
childhood filled with abuse.

I support you in your heroic efforts to help educate people about this insidious crime against innocent children.

You are a champion to those cannot speak up for themselves.

You are a positive influence on my healing path out of childhood sexual abuse as well.

I appreciate you so much, Jan πŸ™‚

May your endeavors richly reward you spiritually as well as monetarily.

Hopefully when I come to Europe I will have my book autographed by you πŸ™‚

Hugs,

Celeste

sheva burton
said…

i am sharing you blog on cross of change facebook group, and i agree
with the comment from celesteka. i am sure that many will find your blog
inspiring, and for people uneffected, educational. thankyou sheva

dinky
said…

I’m a female survivor ..3-12..has took me a long time to get to where I’m at a survivor ..!!!

Healing Within
said…

Hi Jan, have known similar surroundings and have found myself in
similar situations of abuse .. I need to go back to where I stopped
learning and relearn what I missed during my time of struggles ..so I
can stop the cycle of abuse people entering my life and hurting me..

Am praying for you .. am sure your book will be wonderful

Joy

Tim Holmes
said…

It would seem I am not the only Phoenix to rise from the ashes of a life
and body reviled by evil. I spent many many years in my own world after
being violently raped. I am now standing on the edge of the change I am
going to start. We victims of abuse must stand and break the silence to
break the cycle of abuse and mental health effects. cool πŸ™‚ Tim

Rosalinda Hutton
said…

Hi, I have just discovered your blog on Twitter – looking forward to the
read. Good luck with your book. You may be interested in my blog,
just the musings of a before and after survivor of a trial against the
church.

Unknown
said…

Stumbled on news of your book. ’89 I had a horrific breakdown
remembering. Early 90’s I created Adult Children of Dysfunctional
Families meetings for survivors in Vegas, called Healing Your Sexual
Self, we had a co-ed survivor group, a Partners of Survivors group. We
did a lot of self healing with marathon rage and grief workshops. I
created my Whitesoftheirlies.com website. I’m thriving these days. SO glad you are speaking out.

Bnewvision
said…

So happy you are speaking out about the abuse and brave enough to share
with others. You are an inspiration and I stand up an applaud you for
how you are helping others to have hope and to live their life as a
Survivor and not a Victim. Thank you!
Denise aka bnewvision
Childhood sexual abuse and Rape Survivor

Worth-Waiting-For
said…

Awesome that you are doing this and very brave. Best of luck with the
book release and the completion of your other two books. It is clear
from your website that these publications will help other individuals in
need of support and validation for similar childhood experiences.

N
said…

HI I am going to purchase your book when I get paid on the third … I am so glad you did this .. thank you …

Stephen Tremp
said…

Hi Jan, first time visitor and follower. That’s a powerful story you
have to share with the world. Best wishes to you and your book Beyond
Survivir!

Sarah Laurenson
said…

The stigma exists for both girls and boys though it is deeper for boys. I
found myself opening up recently on a book review blog where they were
discussing a fictional character’s response to her rape as a child. Here
I am, many years removed from the abuse, many years of therapy and
healing work, and speaking up about it was hard. That surprised me. I’m
glad you are traveling this path and sharing your journey.

Anonymous
said…

Refreshing to see a community of people who are speaking out! It appears
so many people are against csa …until it cmes to their doorstep! I
only hope i can b as brave as u and write my own book one day…it must
be so therapeutic. well done ur resilience shines and u r making a real
difference in all that u do….the most rewarding and +ive thing that
can cme frm such a hateful and complex issue that most people only think
they understand.

Anonymous
said…

As a child I was put in a couple of situations that could have led to
sexual abuse but managed to escape. It wasn’t family. But I grew up
being physically and emotionaly abused by my Parents. The worst is
mentally. Children don’t have the ability to cope without something or
someone. For me the animals and Mother nature taught me about something
more than just me. Best of Luck

Zephyrr Sky
said…

Gratz on your 1st book Jan. you truly are an example to all of us, a
help to all of us and a voice for all. Thank you for your courage. I
hope to get more of my story out too.
Kami

Behind the Smile
said…

You are so right that it is moving beyond surviving to actually
thriving. I am stuck in the trying to survive but yearn to actually be
past that and in the thriving. I wonder though if that will actually
ever happen for me. I have just found your sight although I am a female
survivor your sight is so helpful. I am pleased to see you have
published a book. I wish you well. Thank you.

Beverly Diehl
said…

Congratulations on your book – but what’s up with the date? Are we really in a time warp?

I’d also like to invite you (and anyone here) to share your story as a guest post on my blog this month http://bit.ly/TiEL6q as I am highlighting domestic violence, and would of course link back to this blog and your book.

Warmest wishes for your healing and success.

Anonymous
said…

Hello! I realize this is kind of off-topic however I needed to ask. Does
operating a well-established website like yours require a massive
amount work? I am completely new to blogging but I do write in my diary
every day. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my
experience and feelings online. Please let me know if you have any kind
of suggestions or tips for new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!

Daan van den Bergh
said…

Just wanted to say congratulations on your book!

I know we
haven’t spoken in a while, but wanted to let you know that I’m back in
action with a different blog, but no longer anonymous. πŸ™‚

Changed my twitter-handle as well, from PB_survivor to IFkknRokk.

Anyway, Congrats! And Success with everything you have going on!

Regards,

Daan van den Bergh

Beth Strauss
said…

congratulations ~ and here some appreciation for your work http://mentalinnorfolk.blogspot.co.uk/2012/10/versatilebloggerawardgivenbybehind.html

Anonymous
said…

would it be possible to translate your web-site into spanish because i
have difficulties of speaking to english, and as there usually are not
numerous pictures in your internet site i’d prefer to go through a
fantastic of what you may be writting

Hugh
said…

Poetic power narrates a riveting story of child abuse through the eyes
of a child to a man. The journey through this madness is amazing, it’s
truth pushes the reader to understand such raw emotion. I was awed and
amazed throughout the entire book. Thank you Jan for sharing your story,
I look forward to reading more of your work.

@amygraver1
said…

Dear Jan, you are so brave and an inspiration to so very many people. I
have learned so much from you. Thank you. I really do appreciate you,
thank you for being so open.Your blogs give me the strength to carry on
on my own healing journey. You also help so many other people. Thank you
so much.

Hugs
Amy. πŸ™‚

JM
said…

The only trauma Jan Lynden Frayne ever suffered is inside his mind. His
latest business adventure failed & he has a chip on his shoulder
& is blaming his family for his demise, hence the book etc. He is
making a mockery of his well-wishers & more importantly he’s mocking
those who really do have a dark story to tell of the abuse they
suffered. Please help me tell the world that he is lying before more
poor folks are taken in by him.

26PeacockLady
said…

Hi Jan,Sorry that someone has posted negative comments to your blog. This is what is termed Bullying and is not acceptable.
Thankyou
for letting me know and I will continue to monitor the situation from
my end and am prepared to notify WordPress if necessary. Have you
notifited the authorities.
Please keep you your good work in educating the public about the issues of CSA.

Jodi @ Heal Now
said…

Jan, I tagged you today on my blog! I am having a Healing From Sexual
Abuse Retreat in Ithaca NY April 12-14. If you would like to pass along
the message to anyone who might benefit, that would be great. I can get
you the details. Or check it out on my site. Email me at
jodiaman@yahoo.com. Let me know if I can contribute to anything for you.
<3 Jodi

CRUISEROO
said…

I’m delighted to read you have published your book. You are so right:
not enough male victims speak up about their own sexual abuse. I have
several male members in my private Facebook group at SPEAK OUT FROM UNDER INCEST
but we rarely hear from them. They are far more reticent to share their
stories in a group that is predominantly female victims. So what you
are doing with your blog and now book is incredibly important. I will
put a link to this blog post in my group. I hope some of our male
members read it and buy your book. Maybe it will encourage them to speak
up too. Thank you!

galen nikolaidis
said…

I spent several years within my own world after being strongly raped.
I’m now sitting on the advantage from the change I will start. We
sufferers of abuse must stand and break the silence to interrupt
periodic abuse and mental health effects. lawyers in medford oregon

johndwmacdonald.com
said…

Very glad to hear about your book Jan and look forward to reading it. Best wishes John

Kristi Campbell
said…

Congratulations on finding your voice, finding hope after abuse and on
your book. I’ll be sharing this and look forward to reading it.

Anonymous
said…

Wonderful and humbling. Thank you so much for sharing. Just a mention
of a lady who also survived abuse and went on to help other children.

She has told much in her report to the Macur Review which you might like to read www.macurstatement.blogspot.com

Captain Ranty
said…

A brilliant blog.

One of my twitterpals sent me here. I’m glad she did.

I recently posted my own (edited account) of what happened to me.

Look:

http://captainranty.com/mydarkdarksecret/

My healing began 5 weeks ago. I am determined to beat this. The mosnters have controlled me for long enough.

Be strong,

CR.

Captain Ranty
said…

Just wanted to prove that I can spell monsters….

Jan The Wounded Warrior
said…

Thank you Captain Ranty. I hope you find information here that will help
you on your own healing journey. I am proud of all survivors who find
the courage to break their silence. I wish you all the very best.

Captain Ranty
said…

Thank you very much Jan. I appreciate all the help I can get.

I will look for, and buy, your book.

Be well,

CR.

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